How to Overcome Self Doubt - The Alex Smith Story
Simon the Self-Doubt Demon
Self doubt is a common foe for us all. It’s the main form of communication for that little demon, I like to call him Simon, that sits on our shoulders. Simon sneaks up on your day without a warning, latching his negative words onto every thought with an ever tightening grip. We are so consistently exposed to this self-doubt, that lose sight of the facts from the fictional tales that are fed to us by Simon.
At times, Simon can actually serve a positive purpose. If you’re being held at gunpoint, Simon is great at reminding you that you aren’t tom cruise (tbh a good thing unless you like scientology), and fighting your way out of this is not likely. However, the role that Simon plays in most of our lives is a chronically negative one. He makes us second guess our best decisions, forces us to question our own capabilities, reminds us of our failures consistently, and effects performance in all parts of our lives.
Overtime, Simons words get confused as our own. Self doubt bleeds into the conversations we have with ourselves, and those conversations become evermore negative. As we began to do his job for him, Simon has to work less. He just hangs out on our shoulders and chimes in when he senses that we are making some meaninful progress. You know, just to make you that you don't forger that you aren't good enough.
On that happy note, where does alex smith come into all of this? (A+ segway if you ask me)
Who is Alex Smith and what does he have to do with this?
The year, 2018. The date, November 18th. The Washington Football Team are playing the Houston Texans. Led by Alex Smith, Washington is at 6-3 and at the top of their division. Winning this game was crucial to keeping their playoff hopes alive. Midway through the 3rd quarter, Washington is down 17-7. The Washington defense has just gotten a critical turnover, and need Alex Smith and the offense to capitalize and begin the comeback. As Alex snaps the ball, Kareem Jackson and JJ Watt, of the Texans, read the play instantly and bulldoze down upon alex. As Alex was getting sacked, his leg was at an awkwards angle. With both JJ and Kareem, weighing well over 200lbs each, the pressure twisted and snapped Alex’s tibia and fibula (bones in the shin), instantly breaking his leg. From a promising season, to a potential career ending injury in just seconds. I wish I could say that Alex Smith was carted off to the hospital, had a surgery to fix his leg and he was fine in a few months. However, this was just the starting.
As Alex described in his own words, “I wake up in the hospital, surrounded by doctors. Everything is hazy, I have been in and out of conciousness for over a week. The doctors are telling me that I have a bad infection in my leg. They say that they have operated 8 times already. They say that at one point my fever spiked and my immune system started attacking my body. I went septic and almost died, and then one of the doctors says this. “As we speak, flesh-eating bacteria is cralwing up your leg, it’s getting closer to your vital organs every minute”.
Injuries are common occurence in sports. However, this was very different. This was no mere injury, this almost cost alex his leg and his life. With the doctors at one point considering to amputate his leg. Thankfully, with over 17 surgeries, and a hospital stay lasting a month, Alex was released from the hospital.
The Mental Battle
Once Alex was taken home, he was helpless. Going from being an elite athlete, to needing help to just go to the bathroom, Alex's mental health spiraled down. He spent most of his time sitting on the couch, looking out the window and just thinking. He described this as being the darkest time in his recovery journey. His own Simon had all the kindling it needed to stoke the fires of self doubt. Alex asked himself if he would ever be able to live normally again, if he would ever wrestle with his kids again. He began to question his own abilites and doubt if he had what it took.
This dark place was one that Alex was familiar with. Being drafted 1st overall in the 2005 draft, he had the world to please with his performance. As a 20 year old, with all this pressure, he couldn’t shut off the self doubt. He talked about how he was always living inside his head, sinking down to his most negative thoughts, rather than living in the present. While people looked at him in admiration, seeing a man living out his dreams, he felt like a fraud. With the help of some important individuals, he was able to fight this self doubt. (More on that later)
However, when he got injured, these doubts and the negativity that comes with it came back. Before Alex could triumph a physical comeback from his injury, he had to win the mental battle.
The Messages To Fight Self Doubt
During the start of his career Alex battled with simon every day. With injuries and changes in coaching staff plaguing the start of his career, this inconsistency stalled his ability to make any real progress.
It was during his 7th season that he found some success, and it was all because of a positive change in his mindest. For this, Alex had two individuals to thank. The first is Jim Harbaugh, who was taken on to lead the 49ers in 2011 as their head coach. Alex recalled the most impacful words he heard from Jim during their time together.
“Play as fast as you can, as hard as you can, for as long as you can, and don’t worry” - Jim Harbaugh
The second individual, was a linebacker on his team at the time, Blake Costanzo. Alex described how on gameday, Blake would go around scream in everyones face...
“ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE TODAY? I AM GOING TO LIVE TODAY, ARE YOU?!!"
Internalizing these messages, according to Alex, helped him approach his challanges head on. They acted as the counter-weight to his doubts. As time went on, Alex began to feel better, perform better, and his team started to win. Alex lived by these attitudes for the rest of his career, and even when he was traded twice for qb’s much younger than him, that attitude helped him fight off the self doubt that he dealt with at the start of his career.
It was these mentalities that came to alex's aid during his lowest points in his recovery journey.
The Journey Back
After months of bed rest, and battling some inner demons, Alex began to look towards starting his rehab process at a military rehab facility. His injury mimicked that of soldiers who have had their legs exploded by stepping on an IED. Before he started, he spent hours watching footage of soldiers recovering from injuries like his, and going into the paraolympics. He was inspired by them, but he knew he had an uphill battle. With all the self doubt in the world ready to bear down on him with every step he took. Would he be able to make a full recovery?
It was then that the voices of Jim, Blake, and the motivation from his PT, that helped him fight his doubts.
He worked on being alive, running his rehab drills with a football in his hand to keep him driven. “it was like reattaching a lost limb… I can’t explain it but i felt lighter. I felt alive… I felt like i had the permission to dream again”
Not only was he living, he began to fall in love with the process and not the goal. He began interanlizing the same attitude that had saved him from succumbing to his self doubt in his career.
“If I make it back, great, if I don’t, who cares. Atleast I was living for something” - Alex Smith
Therein lies an example of the mental fortitude needed to fight off self doubt. The ability to define success by the effort you put in and not by the end result. When you work at something to feel the thrill of being alive, that’s when doubt is sileneced. You don’t care about the goal, all you care about is living.
The comeback and facing a familiar foe
Not only did Alex recover, learning to walk and run again. He got himself back onto the football field, and on merit earned himself a spot on the 52 man roster. 693 days after his leg essentially twisted and exploded, he stepped back onto the very field where he got injured and took a snap.
Even in this moment, as alex himself admits, he was terrified. “Was my leg going to hold up?” he asked himself. On the 3rd snap Aaron Donald, pictured below, jumped onto Alex’s back. No that is not an expression, I mean that literally. As they play was blown dead, alex got up, his leg felt completely fine, he was living again. While they may have lost that game, Alex ended up leading his football team to the wild card round of the playoffs that year. In addition, he earned himself the title of “Comeback Player of the Year” in 2020.
The Mental Journey
As jaw dropping as the physical rehab was to get him back to playing, it’s Alex's mental journey that is truly astonishing and inspiring. As Alex puts every so eleqountly “I’ve learned that so much of the anxiety that hold us back in life, it’s self inflicted. We make it worse on ourselves”.
"I’ve learned that so much of the anxiety that hold us back in life, it’s self inflicted. We make it worse on ourselves" - Alex Smith
We all need someone to help us snap out it, so hopefully this post can be that for you. I may not be Jim Harbaugh, or a crazy linebacker named Blake Costanzo, but I hope I can help you (and me) realize that self-doubt is just another story we tell ourselves. We all have the ability to choose which storylines we tell ourselves. It can either be the one that empowers us, or it can be the Simon tells us to pacify us. The choice is yours. So when you can, work hard, work fast, work for as long as you can, stop worrying, and start living.
If you have time, watch the Alex's TED talk, it is amazing! Also, he shows some really gruesome (and admittedly very cool) pictures of his legs.
High Performance, thy name is Alex Smith.